How to Actually Wind Down at the End of the Day

There's a particular kind of tired that sleep doesn't fix.

It's the one where the day is technically over, the kids are finally in bed, the kitchen is almost clean, and you sit down and realise your brain is still going at a hundred miles an hour. You've stopped moving but you haven't actually stopped.

I know it well. Between three boys, a warehouse and a business that never really switches off, I spent a long time thinking winding down was something that would just happen on its own once everything was done. It never did. Everything is never done.

What changed things for me wasn't a big lifestyle overhaul. It was learning that your brain needs a signal. Something that says, right, we're finished now. Here's what I've learnt about giving it one.

Why a routine beats willpower

You can't really decide to relax. If you could, none of us would be lying awake at eleven at night mentally rewriting an email.

What works better is repetition. When you do the same small thing at roughly the same time each evening, your body starts to recognise it. The routine does the work so you don't have to. It's the same reason a bedtime routine settles a toddler, and honestly, we're not that different.

The trick is picking something small enough that you'll actually do it on a bad night. Not a whole self care production. One thing.

Why so many people use a candle for it

A candle is a good signal because it engages more than one sense at once, and because it has an obvious start and finish.

You strike the match. The room changes. The light goes soft, the scent starts to fill the space, and there's a small moment where you have to stop and pay attention to what you're doing. That's the pause. Then later you blow it out, and that's the end of the evening marked properly instead of just drifting into scrolling on the couch.

None of that is magic. It's just a habit with a nice bit of ceremony attached, and habits with ceremony tend to stick.

Choosing a scent for the mood you're after

Scent is personal, so take this as a starting point rather than a rule. These are the ones people tell me they reach for in the evening.

Hunti, Camellia and Lotus Blossom

Soft, floral and clean. This is the one I'd hand someone who says they don't know where to start. It suits a bath, a quiet lounge room, or a bedroom an hour before bed. Hunti carries Amethyst and Tiger's Eye.

Lois, Peach Blossom

Elegant and gentle rather than sweet. Named after my grandmother Irene Lois, so this one means a lot to me. Lovely for a slow Sunday evening. It carries Black Tourmaline and Moonstone.

Filia, Whispering Woods

Sandalwood, amber and cedarwood. Warm, earthy and a bit grown up. If floral isn't your thing, this is your one. Filia carries Sandstone and Onyx.

Agapi, Creamy Gelato and Caramel Frost

Warm, creamy and comforting, like the smell of something baking. Good for winter nights and for anyone who finds sweet scents more soothing than floral ones. Agapi carries Rose Quartz.

Every one of them is handpoured in our Belrose studio with soy wax and phthalate free fragrance, and burns cleaner than a paraffin candle. There's a genuine crystal set into each one, chosen to hold onto the energy around it, and it's yours to keep long after the wax is gone. You can see the full range of large crystal candles here.

A five minute evening ritual

This is the version I actually do, not the version that looks good on Instagram. It takes about five minutes.

1. Pick your moment

Same rough time each night. For me it's once the boys are down. It doesn't have to be late, it just has to be consistent.

2. Put the phone somewhere else

Not face down next to you. Another room, or at least across the room. This is the step that makes the biggest difference and the one everyone skips.

3. Light the candle

Take one proper breath while you do it. That's the whole instruction. If you like the idea of setting an intention, do that. If it makes you cringe, skip it, it still works.

4. Do one slow thing

Read a few pages. Write tomorrow's list so it's out of your head. Sit and do absolutely nothing. Have a shower. Any of it counts.

5. Blow it out and go to bed

Blowing it out is the full stop on the day. Trim the wick to 5mm while the wax is cool so it burns evenly next time, and let that first burn run a couple of hours so the melt pool reaches the edges.

Other things that genuinely help

A candle is one small piece of it. These are the ones that have made a real difference in our house.

• Moving your body during the day, even a walk around the block
• Getting outside, especially in the morning light
• Watching the coffee after about two in the afternoon, which I resisted for years and was wrong about
• Writing tomorrow's list tonight so your brain stops rehearsing it
• Protecting your sleep like it matters, because it does
• Talking to someone. A friend, your partner, your GP. This one carries more weight than everything else on the list put together

One honest thing before you go

A candle is a lovely part of an evening. It is not a fix for the hard stuff, and I'd never pretend it was.

If things have felt heavy for a while, if you're not sleeping, if the noise in your head isn't settling no matter what you try, please talk to your GP or someone you trust. That is the thing that actually helps, and there's no shame in it. We've had our own seasons of it in this family and reaching out was always the bit that changed things.

But on an ordinary tired evening, when you just need the day to end properly? Light something beautiful, breathe out, and give yourself five minutes that belong to you.

You've earnt them.

Loz x